You would think it wouldn’t be so different, living in an apartment in a big city. I am not in a German countryside village. I have internet, a McDonalds within walking distance, and police sirens out my window. But as I have complained about before, Germany tricks you into thinking you have things figured out and then those comforts are pulled out from under you. OH, YOU. OH, GERMANY!
The Light Bulb in the Bathroom
When I first moved into my apartment, within a week, the light bulb in the bathroom went out. Okay, I thought, I’ll go get that replaced. I look into the socket where the light bulb is wedged and scowl. I don’t know what I’m looking at. The light bulb is tiny, it’s unreasonable, it’s seemingly a LED baby hybrid parallel universe entity that I have never, ever seen before. What do you want from me? I ask.
I moved another lamp with another questionable (weirdly long) light bulb in the bathroom. I asked friends for help. They all say, “Oh just awrgfhhhhawrtgatwrt2tgaefg and take it to the sbouhbffbuahurioabmfdjghhetjh to get it replaced!” Sure, I say. I’ll go do that tomorrow. It’s been five months now.
The Stove Symbols
Contrary to popular belief, I did not study hieroglyphs in college. Also a myth, just because I’m a half-Italian woman, that doesn’t mean I know how to cook. So, luckily for me, I don’t really need to understand and digest the highly complex and completely confusing symbols that a German (maybe all European???) stoves possess. I know the one for frozen pizza, and I refuse to progress into baking in fear of destroying my sanity.
The Mini Shower
I don’t get this one at all. There are some TALL people here. Tall people means long limbs. Why do they have extremely tiny box showers with no hopes of bending over to shave your legs, pick up your soap, breathe properly…Why are we doing this to ourselves, fellow tall people? Forget Halloween and 24 hour convenience stores, can’t you Americanize yourselves on this ONE THING and make large, luxurious bathrooms? I know you have all of these quaint, compact, European things of yesteryear, but MAYBE THIS CAN BE AN EXCEPTION. PLEASE. I DON’T KNOW WHEN I WILL EVER SEE A GIANT BATH AGAIN.
The Wunderbar Windows
Here is a positive (surprise! I’m not negative 24/7!) Germany has windows that, once you turn the handle up, it acts as room circulation, turn to the middle, it opens completely, and turn to the bottom it closes. It’s ingenious. I’m still in awe of it. Want your kitchen not to overheat? TURN THAT HANDLE UP, BABY. Want to do a big dramatic opening your windows for a beautiful summer morning? TURN IT TO THE MIDDLE, SWEET THANG. Freezing cold and want air tight windows for these cold winter evenings? DOWNTOWN, GINGER BROWN.
I’m going to go to sleep now on my not-quite-a-double-but-bigger-than-a-twin German bed now.